My attempt at mindfulness on a rainy day

view from the back seat on a rainy day, listening to "I''ll be Waiting" -Adele

I have been away from this blog for quite a while. I think it’s largely because the thought of blogging intimidates me a bit. What do I say? How do I say it? What were the most interesting parts of my day, and what is the most interesting way to say it?

I’ve actually had many, many ideas for posts. MANY. I think this blog may turn into the musings of what I like to call a “hungry artist”…because let’s face it: many starving artists in the US may be poor….may miss a meal here or there…may have adopted my new way of eating (eating meals at “between” times so you eat less in the day…kind of killing 2 birds with one stone), and may not be able to buy coffee as often as we’d like, but the fact that I am even blogging on my desktop using my wireless internet connection means that I am wealthier than a vast majority of humanity.

For myself, I resent the term “starving artist”. I will NOT throw a pity party for myself or overglorify my suffering, that so many others are experiencing. HOWEVER, I have found that my stage of life brings me excitement in ways I would have never expected:: Christmas comes about twice a month these days…..at age 22, I’ve come to call it GROCERY DAY! Paying my bills is a sweet victory. I am approaching my 3rd go at it now, and the forecast is looking like we are in the clear yet again.

I have many lists to post on the blog too! Some of which include:

The meals that have been holding me over

My “me and Jesus” songs (popular love/friendship songs that fit at least 97% perfectly with my romance with Jesus)

Books that I want to read

Things that I have learned while working at Ruby Tuesday

 

What was lovely about today?

  1. I got to ride through NOVA, and it was BEAUTIFUL
  2. I was at a women’s retreat entitled “Mind, Body, Spirit” and got to take pictures with great friends
  3. I get to go study the bible with a new friend, and teach her from the bible how deeply Jesus loves her and how he likes to be loved. (SOOO grateful someone did that with me a few years ago…)
  4. I saw this: http://www.cheekykitchen.com/2010/05/make-your-own-gourmet-lemonade-party.html
  5. I feel at peace today….really. Today, I am really trusting matthew 6:28-34
  6. My Missy Higgins Pandora station is getting it SO RIGHT, right now 🙂
  7. My list changed to letters instead of numbers, and it was weird and annoying. Then…I don’t really know what I did, but after some clicking, it’s fixed now. One less insecurity about my blog.

What was lovely about your day/week/etc?

 

Midnight Streams of Consciousness

Last night, aprx 24.5 hours ago, since it’s 12:46am at this moment, I found myself overcome with thought and emotion. So what am i to do? Write. I’m way overdue for a good poem, anyway. So, that’s what I set out to do, only to find the process creating more unwanted frustration and emotion. Tears in tow, I scrapped my first attempt at a piece to begin again.

AND, because there was some good stuff in my first go at manipulating my pain into something beautiful (or, dare I say lovely), I even found a way to embed those parts into my second take. BUT…..there was too much emotion, not enough fluidity to say everything I wanted to say and still have it make sense, not enough wordplay, not enough….poem-y stuff. In my emotion, I can think up all these power house semi-stanzas, and word-pairs, but I couldn’t make them all come together.

My brain felt like this, but with more words....lots of thoughts, no cohesion. UGH

I went to sleep, a little more relieved because everything I wanted to say had been said. I also went to sleep a bit discouraged and disappointed with myself for the LAME expression I had just produced. I am now, much more satisfied with what happened last night as I threw my  heart onto paper. It wasn’t just a poem. It was stream of consciousness, and that’s ok. It is what it is, and it is NOT nearly packaged.

According to the New World Encyclopedia:

Stream of consciousness is a literary technique, used primarily in poetry and fiction, which seeks to portray an individual’s point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character’s thought processes, either in a loose internal interior monologue, or in connection to his or her sensory reactions to external occurrences.

lovelyisthought

I suggest to you, give it a go. Don’t hold back. Allow your literary plans to meet your random internal dialog, and see what is produced. If nothing else, you will feel better. (As long as you don’t critique yourself!) There’s something to be said about stream of consciousness’ place in the literary realm. Research it. You will see. Anyone can be an artist. Just find your niche. Who knew blabbing your thoughts onto paper with enough lack of structure would turn into its own genre? I now look forward to going back and trying to shape up my emotional wordpile into a piece for a Left Side Poets’ production or to share on a stage somewhere. If you’re interested in reading my midnight stream of consciousness, email me, and I will send it to you.

nfaulkner11@gmail.com

What was lovely about today?

They didn't look this pretty.

  • I got to take 1.5 naps! That is VERY RARE
  • I didn’t make much money at work….BUT, I made more than I thought. So, that’s good.
  • I got home with enough energy to update my blog.
  • I baked my first platanos! (I usually fry them)
  • I started reading Francis Chan’s Crazy Loveagain. I highly recommend it.

    lovelyislove

  • The Left Side Poets sold 5 more books today. Want one? Shameless plug, I know. But…it’s my blog. So why not?

What was lovely about your day?